Finding my Inner Fish

Ok, I have to admit, it has been apparent to me for a while that I don't quite get enough exercise. Back in the States I liked to go biking or walking in the park on occasion, and that kept me in generally decent shape. I really like hiking, too, and though there's lots of places to hike in Taiwan (very mountainous), a lot of the trails are paved and have stairs. That's just not the kind of hiking I like to do. So, between that and having no bike of my own, I'd sort of trailed off in terms of the exercise I was getting.

Then I started to notice that, for some reason, I felt like I was gaining weight. Maybe I've been eating more than usual, too. It's seems like there's always eating to be done, and YT's mom always cooks a lot. Very healthy, mind you, but still a lot, plus it's good. There's also the style of eating, in terms of the "just keep taking from the common dish in front of you until you're full" style, rather than the "here's your portion, when you finish that you can maybe have more" style of eating. There is research which shows that portions do make a difference in how much you eat, at least with bowls of soup -- if they're surreptitiously being filled by a hose at the bottom then people eat a lot more (really, it won an 'Ig Noble Prize' in 2007).

I'm also approaching another half-decade marker, and not for the first time in my life, I got that sinking suspicion that I'm not as young as I used to be. I had one of those experiences where it didn't really look like me in the mirror, rather someone who looked like me except a little plumper around the tummy and older. Honestly, I could have sworn I was 25 just yesterday. As John Updike wrote in Rabbit Run, "All men are boys time has deceived". Darn you, time!

So, either to recapture my youth or peel back the kilograms I've recently accrued, I've started a self-regulated twice-a-week swimming regimen. "Swimming?" you are probably thinking to yourself, "Brian you're not a swimmer!" And you'd be right, especially if you see what swimming seems to mean in Taiwan. It does not mean simply lounging around in the water, or seeing how long you can tread in one place, or how long you can hold your breath, or jumping off the diving board trying to catch a tennis ball in mid-air, or playing water basketball with your friends. Nope, it means propelling yourself through various paddling and kicking methods from one end of a pool of water to the other in a straight line back and forth until you don't feel like doing it anymore. You even have to wear a swimming cap and a speedo-style suit, though it doesn't have to be tighty-whities length. There are also a lot of people in the pool, and you have to try to time your journey to the other side so you don't bump into someone in your lane. It also seems apparent to me that everyone else has been trained in how to actually swim, different from my own pre-school lessons in 'how not to die if you happen to fall in the water'. Here, it's almost like you're watching the Olympics, except you're the one that's swimming, and, you're not in the Olympics, and, you're not even competing, you're just there going back and forth. But otherwise, almost the same, I think. So, though I have long-ago graduated from the doggie-paddle to a freestyle manner copied intuitively from watching TV, I still feel comparatively like, if you'll allow, a fish out of water.

My general method has been to whirl my arms and kick, turning my head from side-to-side but keeping my mouth above the water so I can spit and gasp for air as needed. If I don't do my impersonation of the freestyle, I do a sort of modified backstroke. I just kind of float on my back and wave my arms from my elbows so I move around. I guess if one were to see it in action, one might describe it as a sort of doggie-paddle backstroke with your arms at your side. Maybe. Come to think of it, it might also resemble the propulsion method of a single-celled organism. Either way, you may perhaps be able to see why I'd feel sort of conspicuous, especially if you knew that no one else seemed to be doing anything upside down. Given the population density of the pool and the restricted field of view of being on your back, I guess that makes sense. I still sort of prefer this, though; the distinct advantage being that my ears are submerged so my mouth doesn't have to be. It's actually rather relaxing, too, if you can get past the paranoia of running into something or someone.

Then one day, I decided I'd had enough of the modified doggie-paddle backstroke. It was relaxing, but I was just going too slow. I figured if I'm going to go back and forth in a straight line, there's no point in drawing it out. In a fit of inspiration, I decided to try whirling my arms like the backstroke is maybe supposed to be done. To my surprise, it almost felt as if I'd just sprouted fins. The roof above me sped by, and before I knew it I had passed under the flags, then the metal ladder out of the pool went by, then came the wall (bonk). I felt even more conspicuous than before, but I didn't care. It felt good. I even got a brief impression of admiring looks from the lifeguards and other swimmers, like "What is that method of swimming? Is that a backstroke? Wow! Who does the backstroke in a pool with this many people?"

You may think this was pure delusion, perhaps brought on by lack of oxygen to the brain (I do have exercise-induced asthma at times), but consider the following. After my usual soak in the steam-room, I went back into the smaller practice pool for a last couple of laps. There was also an older man there in the pool with a woman, who, incidentally, seemed to be less than his age. I did my interpretation of the freestyle one way, as I normally would, and then my backstroke impersonation on the way back. As I was bumping into the wall, he said "Very good!", in English, as people sometimes do when they want to sound cosmopolitan but don't have an extensive English vocabulary. I could only assume he meant my backstroke, of course, because it was so impressive. He also complimented me on my freestyle, though too, which, he said, was special because I could keep my head up for air. I knew that just creates more drag, but I didn't feel like arguing. He then jovially challenged me to a friendly race to the other side, which of course he won, to his delight. Once his 'friend' joined us again, he asked me how often I go swimming, then he said I should go at least 3 times a week like he does. Ok, I said, trying not to roll my eyes. Not surprisingly, I haven't really seen the guy or his lady-friend since. However, I have noticed more people trying to do the backstroke.

I of course don't take any credit for that, but it makes me feel good as I backpedal through the water, digging deep with my hands on the push-stroke, feeling the current rush through my fingers. The roof zips by overhead, and six strokes after I pass under the flags my hand brushes the wall. I'm still awkward at it, and no professional of course, but at the end of the day, I'm back to thinking I'm 25 years old. I'm still basically the same shape as when I measured my weight in pounds, but the best part is, I know my lady-friend doesn't really mind either way.

Still making waves, BB