Ok, guess what song I've had in my head the last few days? It may sound a little cheesy, but I couldn't help it. I'll give you a hint -- it started when all my bags were packed two days ago. Another big hint, I'm leaving on a plane tomorrow, and yes, it is a jet plane.
As I said, I couldn't help it, my bags have been sitting there at the end of the bed staring at me for two days. I should say, though, that 'leaving on a jet plane' isn't technically all that appropriate for my situation. It's about separation, but in my case I'm flying toward the opposite of that. I haven't seen my wife in 6 weeks, and with friends and family members it's been about 9 1/2 months. I think it's needless to say that I have been looking forward to this point for quite some time. It will certainly be good to have a 'normal' lifestyle again with my own apartment where I'm able to see my wife on a day-to-day basis. Ahh, such fond memories of those days. As I'm writing this, YT was just on-line chatting with me about favorite food she's bought and special dishes she is going to make, where she wants to go out for dinner when I get back, and the plans she's making for my return. I really can't wait to be home.
Still, the song seems somewhat poignant. Maybe it's just the melody, or maybe because I already am separated, perhaps. Either way, when you've been gone so long, it's never just a simple matter of an eager return. Over the past few weeks, as the list of 'last-experiences' started piling up, my eagerness has been tempered somewhat by the realization of things I've appreciated and will miss. I started to mull over a list... the kids screaming 'Brian Yizhang!' (uncle Brian) when I come home, formal(ish) dinners out with the family, eating fish everyday, the NPR podcasts on my hour-long commute home, meeting and interviewing all different kinds of people, and so on. It always felt incomplete and superficial, though, and never fully captured the strange level of sadness (in my jubilance) I feel about going home. Today, I think I finally understand what I will miss the most, and that is, language learning and the growth in relationships that provides. Allow me to explain.
I've always felt that the learning curve of studying a language abroad is steep and easy to perceive. It's almost addicting. At first you feel like a child, but you gradually adapt and change, and months later you're able to express your ideas as, well, a junior high school student at least. The point is, you can see with a moment's reflection just how far you've come, and how what had been interesting and exotic is now secondhand. I love that feeling and sense of 'growth'. When I first came here, although I had proficiency in Chinese and was able to communicate for my purposes, it was difficult to follow natural rates of conversation when the speaker was not directly addressing me. Now, that's not such of a problem. This has made a great difference in the degree to which I can participate more fully in the culture, in my surroundings, and more particulary, within YT's family.
For example, the other night, YT's parents took me out to dinner. It was Thursday night, so they didn't have to pick up the grandkids from school before their mom came to get them. Since it was one of my last evenings, they decided to take me to a very nice Japanese restaurant rather than just stay at home. To be honest, I had felt a bit of trepidation about it at first. It is seldom just the three of us, and I wasn't sure how it would go. I had a wonderful time with them, though. We talked about US politics, raising bi-racial kids, dad's experiences at work under a new administration, their plans to stay with us in the US for a month or so (at some future point), and of course their daughter (my wife). They also said they're glad that YT gets along so well with my family, and that they don't really worry about her when I'm there with her. It was nice to hear that.
Essentially, my point is that it felt great to be able to communicate with them more naturally, and to feel so comfortable doing so. It seems that, over the last few weeks at least, I've been able to appreciate things here much more fully. I feel that with greater proficiency I can be more of a participant in the family, rather than, to put it coldly, a foreign exchange student of sorts. The ironic thing is that, just as this is happening, it's 
time for me to leave. Last night my 5 year old nephew was crying because he didn't want me to go back to the US (he's rather sentimental). When he hugged me goodbye, I really didn't know what to say. I know that I will really miss being an uncle, and having the opportunity to watch the kids change even more than they have over this last 9 1/2 months. I will also miss being a brother- and son-in-law as well, and I wish I had more opportunity to communicate even more proficiently with them all. Perhaps that will come with more time and advanced learning. Right now, of course, and more importantly, it will feel wonderful to be a full-time husband again (among other roles). I think that pretty much sums things up.
I have one last dinner out with the family tonight, and this time that includes YT's aunts and cousins and the cousin and his family who I rode with to school every morning. With that, the last day of my lengthy stay in Taiwan will draw to a close. Tomorrow at early morn, I'll be on my way : )
See you all, or at least some of you, soon.
BB
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