Funeral -- La Fin

Hey everyone, before you say anything, I just want you to know that, yes, I realize that a long time has passed since I've written anything. YT and I are settling in to our respective situations, and life is moving on for each of us; separately, yet together, somehow. We do what we have to do, and the nightly (for me) chats do help a lot. I do miss seeing more than a 4-inch 2-dimensional representation of my wife, but I know the time will pass. Stupid green card, or rather, conditional green card status.

So, you may be wondering what has been going on since YT left, besides a longing for her quick return. I would be lying if I said 'nothing', though, so I'll try to catch up a bit. I guess one of the most memorable things has been the conclusion of YT's grandfather's funeral. The final burial was a couple of weeks ago (middle of October). Since I last wrote about it, there were special occasions for different members to perform different rituals according to their relationship. I didn't have to attend any of those, but I was told to keep the whole day free for the final service, the events of which I am about to describe. A quick aside: please excuse my general ignorance of the meaning of what I observed. YT said that even her family often doesn't know what some of the rituals mean or represent, so I don't feel too bad. Still quite curious, but I don't have time for a degree in Chinese or Taiwanese religious studies it might require.

The final service started rather early in the morning, for me it mostly involved a lot of standing in confused ignorance of what was going on, sometimes with a mix of needing to bow at an appropriate time. A monk was at the front with a mic ceremoniously directing everything. I was standing with all the male relatives along one side of the aisle, with all the women on the other side of the aisle. We all had to wear special clothing that signified our relation to grandfather, too. The whole affair was designed to pay great honor to YT's grandfather's spirit and ensure a comfortable afterlife, but it also seemed mainly, as characterized in the past by YT, to seek grandfather's good will so that he might bestow great blessings from the afterlife. Here's the general scene before things got started.


What I observed was basically a ritualistic 'This-is-your-life' kind of thing that involved a procession of family and friend groups, organized by relation to the deceased. Instead of a prolonged recounting of character-revealing stories or events of the past, it involved a systematic progression where each individual group took turns prostrating on their knees, standing up and inching forward in unison, then doing it again and again (3 times total). Then, the first person in the group poured three small shots of alcohol into a basin, though I don't know why. I couldn't follow all of the groups that took a turn, but the order went something like this: remaining brothers and sisters, then remaining cousins, then sons, then daughters, then spouses of sons and daughters, then grandchildren, then spouses of grandchildren, then great-grandchildren, then (and I'm almost serious) anyone left over who apparently felt they had a legitimate claim to relation with the deceased. At least, it got to the point where even my father-in-law did not know who the people were, but he guessed 2nd or 3rd or more distant cousins. By the amazing powers of the internet and digital technology, you can get a brief 18sec sense of the sights and sounds here, more than that which static images have to offer.

I can't recall how long that process took, mainly because the basic process wasn't over yet. The tables and flowers in the middle of the aisle were removed to make room for another set of people to progress in waves. Basically, representatives of different groups that grandfather had been involved with in the past came to pay public respect. There was no prostrating this time, though. One person in the group held up in 'offering' a plate with a piece of fruit on it, then the same with a flower-wreath. Then they all bowed at the waist to the men's side, then to the women's side, which is where the bowing aspect came in. Each step was systematically orchestrated and announced by the monk on the mic. Then it was the next group's turn to shuffle down the aisle, and the process was repeated. I think YT's grandfather must have been involved with a number of different organizations throughout his life, because it seemed like a lot, and they all showed up. This includes, for instance, people from the primary school where he attended, ninety years ago. In some cases, someone read a brief statement, and in other cases the apple was not 'offered up', or a glass of white alcohol was offered as well. I might have been able to figure out why had I not been completely bored out of my skull. Luckily, by the time I was just about to invent creative ways to bow ceremoniously without appearing disrespectful, I saw that they were almost done. Well, with that part, at least.

The next section involved more movement, which was very nice since my muscles were stiff from standing for nearly three hours. The coffin was loaded onto a truck and we walked through the road following the truck through town. I should mention the two other accompanying trucks that were filled with musicians blowing horns and banging gongs (pic). The louder the better, because it drives away harmful spirits.
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While the truck with the coffin continued up into the mountain to the burial plot, the rest of us got on a bus. I had a nice talk with Caro on the way, the younger of YT's older sisters. She said that she wished there were more things done to remember who her grandfather was, and she said didn't like all the time these funerals consume. I talked about how funerals in the Christian tradition are more a memorial to the deceased, a remembrance of the past, and a celebration of that person's life (and 'reunion' with God). I said I was honored to be able to take part in these ceremonies, but I also missed learning more about grandfather's life, and what kind of person he was and the personal influence he has had on those around him. I know he was a stonecutter, but the rest of the stuff I can only guess at. I also said the funerals there only last a couple of days, including the wake. Caro said she'd prefer that sort of system, too.

But, to continue on, there were more ceremonies at the burial site after we got there. Rather than a six-foot hole in the ground, it resembled a small notch cut out of the mountain. We stood there while the coffin was arranged in it's proper 'feng shui' alignment and then finally covered up. Then, someone prepared the headstone while more paper money was burnt and food was offered up. After this, everyone proceeded to march around the grave three times, though I only wish I could say why. Then grandchildren received a few coins and a number of nails, which I was told represents a wish for a successful future and birth of sons to continue the family name. Finally, someone chanted and banged cymbals loudly for a few minutes, to 'purify' the area of negative spirits, and then we all headed back for a late banquet lunch.

Afterwards I went home for a good rest and a long nap. It still wasn't over yet, though. I was awakened around 5pm with news that later that evening the 'house' was going to be burnt. That is, the ceremonial house that was bought for grandfather, which represents the wish for him to have a palatial dwelling-place in the afterlife. There was even a cardboard helicopter and a Mercedes (pic) in the 'courtyard' of the house so that he could travel around freely. After another huge pile of paper money was burnt, as well as other rituals described in a previous post, the house was loaded in pieces onto a truck and carted out to an empty field between two busy roads. The ceremonial clothing was removed and set aside to burn, along with everything else associated with the funeral that could be consumed by flames. More paper money was loaded into the house, then it was lit. As YT's uncle said, it cost hundreds of US dollars, and in three minutes it was gone. Nothing too exciting, but I have a short video of it below.

So, I guess that's all I have to say right now. It was a long and busy day, and it's obvious that people care very much for their family. I do feel priviledged to have participated in the service, and honored to be a part of the whole family. I'll leave it at that, though, since it has probably been a long post already. I'll try not to go so long before the next post is up. Okay, gotta go.

Talk to you all later. BB